Brave Soul

Brave Soul

24 July 2019

jp

Sitting on porch

feet up

trying to wind down

key in machine broken

only winds up

not down

or maybe I misunderstand the technology

wind up is only purpose

wind up music boxes are nice

wind up…

very different meaning if navigating high seas

maybe that’s what I failed to see

wind up…

which may be the only place of comfort for me…

like you

who would not have it any other way…

my kamikaze pilot

for a cause

which can only be truth

and because you know that you will never arrive

you are prepared to in the end to dive

sink in the sea

brave soul…

like Vincent

he had to paint

ultimately toward his own destruction

to leave a legacy worth it.

Odd how such suffering

of giving life to others

beautiful paintings

music

joy

so often destroys the soul that gives

like motherhood

certainly husbandry

we men all die younger.

I had two cigarettes today

one with a woman high powered established

she would not let me take our photograph together

wolfing down our steak lunches

she said because she looked too much a wreck…

the second woman Lebanese

sharing her Benson and Hedges Slims

for whom I was writing a business plan

she said

I don’t tell my kids I smoke.

Lives of secrecy and little self worth.

In contradiction to their public success.

Funny world.

And you

my kamikaze pilot

seeking truth

knowing you will never arrive

dive into the sea

brave soul.

Then I finished my sixth beer

in thinking about all this

night time deep fallen

city to sleep

feet up

sitting on porch.