Brave Soul



jp melville, ottawa, shaheen lotun, love, women













Brave Soul
24 July 2019
jp





















Sitting on porch
feet up
trying to wind down
key in machine broken
only winds up
not down
or maybe I misunderstand the technology
wind up is only purpose
wind up music boxes are nice
wind up…
very different meaning if navigating high seas
maybe that’s what I failed to see
wind up…
which may be the only place of comfort for me…
like you
who would not have it any other way…
my kamikaze pilot
for a cause
which can only be truth
and because you know that you will never arrive
you are prepared to in the end to dive
sink in the sea
brave soul…
like Vincent
he had to paint
ultimately toward his own destruction
to leave a legacy worth it.

Odd how such suffering
of giving life to others
beautiful paintings
music
joy
so often destroys the soul that gives
like motherhood
certainly husbandry
we men all die younger.

I had two cigarettes today
one with a woman high powered established
she would not let me take our photograph together
wolfing down our steak lunches
she said because she looked too much a wreck…
the second woman Lebanese
sharing her Benson and Hedges Slims
for whom I was writing a business plan
she said
I don’t tell my kids I smoke.

Lives of secrecy and little self worth.
In contradiction to their public success.
Funny world.

And you
my kamikaze pilot
seeking truth
knowing you will never arrive
dive into the sea
brave soul.

Then I finished my sixth beer
in thinking about all this
night time deep fallen
city to sleep
feet up
sitting on porch.

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