Afat... Where My Feminism Failed Me

Afat… Where Feminism Failed Me

our century

jp melville

My previous letter may have annoyed you.

For the blood on my loins and yours

Was conjugal beyond rules

While women and men since eternity

Have enjoyed

Scent of lust

And no mark but a stain

The conjugal left behind for no one to discover.

Snicker.

My monthly cycle, my mood change

Woman I am and your hand on my breast tells me I control

Estrogen brings anxiety, progesterone depression….

Balance is in our loins conjoined, my lips to yours

And coffee shared in bed the morning over.

Balance is not neutrality

Nor two ones in negotiation

Nor sex, yours mine

Nor denial of extreme equations

It is deep breath knowing that how I feel

Is never about you, my man, though only through you like you through me

But my moon and my sun and my stars and my child, my egg

So never a projection on male or man…

For I stand proud am woman knowing….

Dark colour and sunshine and the infinite, earth

Depths of darkness…

Fecundity…

Is mine

And only mine.

Yes.

Except.

In passing

I brighten

Flower child and your sweater I wear

Bury my nostrils in your sweat

Lick my lips of your ejaculate

I dream by and back and forward

Your forest space bush cabin… no electricity

Yet hyper static we have become…

I cried fuck me…

I know from learning but not from time

Women’s bodies sucked up moonlight milk

We are plants, feeding on light

Both sunlight and moonlight

Yin yang

We me our bodies breasts vaginas freshed…

Oh God no wonder my triggers askew

With artificial light everywhere, flat screens,  day and night, emancipation politics…

Mine and our cycles no longer correspond to the moon...

White Goddess I beg forgive me.

For just like all the others:

I bought the capital model

I saw power in economy

So a job I will to go

Leaving my child in hostel

Rejecting care from a horizontal pass… a husband…. what is that…

And I go to my clock driven world

My politics having bought me and sold me

The world I once thought I despised

Endebted

Loneliness the killer already my sucked in horizon.  

I threw away the man

Who said he would be there

When he added to the list… care

I tossed

The moon

My blood

My milk

The suckle of his ejaculate on my lips…

For none I would give to union…

With the obsession of independence

In my politique

I rejected

To win in my corporate slavery only me.